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Going on Faith.....

I am going to be totally honest here......
Homeschooling is not something I ever, Ever, EVER would have thought to do.
There, with that out of the way I will tell you why I am going to homeschool my children.

If you know me and if you have been reading this blog you know having child #3 has been a difficult journey for me. A learning year. I have found out more about myself this year then really any other year. I have learned my weaknesses and faults.
and one of my biggest weakness is....... i get distracted.
I stay at home with my children, I feed them, i bath them and I clean the house for them but for the past year I have been distracted.
There are so many things that distract me.....
1. The Internet!!! That is the biggest one on the list. Ugh! Most days i HATE the internet but it sucks me in like a black hole and then 2 hours have gone by and nothing has been done that i said i was going to do and the house looks like a bomb went off!
2. Books. I love to read. I could spend hours reading and reading. I have come to realize that i enjoyed the fictional worlds way more then my own life.... That was something needed to change. I felt happy reading but  being pulled from the book world to my own left me feeling empty and i hated that.
3. TV shows. I love watching TV shows. I would sit at my computer and watch shows all day. Who care about the house? Kids go eat out of the fridge!
I was happy.... right? That stuff made me happy. Then why did i feel so miserable?

I hit the point where i was so unhappy that i knew something had to change or it was going to be bad.
I was praying one day, and i told Heavenly Father that i give it all to him. I gave him all my distractions. I told him that i would have faith that getting rid of those distractions and doing what i know i should be doing would make so much more happier then what those things are giving me.

Fast forward a few months and it is so true. I truly am more happy then any other time since Jacob was born. I am not saying that i never watch tv, or a never get on the internet or never read. I just try to balance it out and not let it take over my life. I spend more time with my children and I actually love it! I can read posts about mothers who love being a mom and not feel sick. I can look at my children and say to myself "This is where i want to be."

So with that all said that is how the Homeschooling journey began.
I started to pray for a way that I can be a better mom. For a way to not let those distractions take over my life again. Homeschooling was the answer.

I know homeschooling is not for everyone and I did not think it was for me. How could I teach my children everything they need to know! That is what scared me. It was overwhelming. After a lot of prayer and fasting I know that Homeschooling is what my family needs, this is what I need. I know that this will help me be the mom i want to be. I just have to have the Faith that Heavenly Father will lead us and show us how to teach our children. He wants them to grow and learn and Follow Him just as much Neal and I do. Satan is everywhere. he takes things that are good and turns them around on us. Satan knows I won't leave my children but he can make me hate being a mother. he can turn my heart to other things and not to my children. I will not let him do that.
I am strong enough.
I am courageous enough.
I am smart enough.

That doesn't mean I am not scared. I am terrified. But i am going to jump into this with both feet. It is going to be an adjustment for all of us. I am not a patient person, so there is going to be a lot of praying! I know it will take a while for us to find what works but i have faith that Heavenly Father will guide us there.

today i feel discouraged.

I feel i am pulled in every direction
being stretched like play dough,
until i just break
In this world i am supposed to be so many things.
I supposed to be a loving, caring wife.
One who supports her husband and lifts him up.
I am supposed to be a friend.
One who is always there and can help when ever i can
I am supposed to be a mother.
Who is always sweet, cooks healthy amazing meals, and crafts
But still has time to read and play with her children.
Does this woman exist?
Is she real?
I feel when i am doing good at one thing
I am failing terribly in the other.
every night i try to pull myself back together
just so i can try again the next day.
But when fail,
when my cup empty
My Savior fills it
He is enough.
I am enough with His grace.
Only with His love can I become,
who He needs me to be.

{beauty}

This is my daughter.

She is absolutely beautiful.

And she will always be.

It is my responsibility as her mother to teach her what beauty really is.

That true beauty comes from within and no one or no thing can take that away from her.

being pure and clean is beautiful.

The world wants us to believe that to be beautiful we have to lower our standards.

To be beautiful we need to change who we are.

That is not true. 

we are daughters of our Heavenly Father.

That makes us so beautiful.

We are created in his image.

How can we throw that away.

How can we not think that is beautiful?

He sees me.

He knows what i can become.

He knows my heart.

My prayer is that as woman we believe that we are beautiful.

No matter how much we weigh,

how we dress or how we fix our hair.

We are beautiful because of who we are,

because we create life.

My children see me....

Just Suzie, their mother.

I am beautiful to them.

I am beautiful to Him.

I want to be beautiful to me.

I want to see me the way I really am.

That my beauty shines from the inside out.

{a cookie}

i gave this little boy a cookie a couple months ago and i just found these photos. he loved that cookie. of course he loves anything with sugar..... or chocolate. he loves chocolate. every member of our family is a chocoholic!

You can see his teeth! 

Just a boy and a cookie.

{August cont.....}

this was our trip to the Oregon coast! the kids had so much fun and they keep asking me if we can live on the beach. If only kids.... if only!

jacob's first look at the ocean! He went crazy and wanted to play in the freezing water!

Emma first look. She also loved it!

emma with rachel. It was nice to go with my family!

Sam spent most of the time in the back carrier. He was really good!

We spent the morning on the Florence pier!

We are silly

I love this photo!

The beach was foggy most of the time but that didn't stop us.

Kayla and mom!

Mom and me

Kayla and me

Sam wasn't digging the cold wind and mist.

making sand castles!

I think they spent most of the time in the sand. 

Helping rachel build sand forts.

she loved it!

waiting for the waves to come!

i think rachel had more fun then the kids did.

Neal has a really good friend named josh. He saw this in the sand and he had to take a picture. it was really funny.

we went crabbing on day. Neal loved it. He enjoyed throwing the pots and pulling them back in. We caught 10 crab that day.

Manly Neal.

I think he would have crabbed all day.

Then back to the sand. This time to be buried.

Here is the crab. in all their glory!

My boys.

Neal even enjoyed cleaning the crab!

Then we got to eat it! We scarfed down 10 crabs in a matter of minutes!

Rachel being Rachel.

A hike that we went on around a lake. I love hikes!

being silly!

Sammy really was a good boy..... except at night.

We ate a lot at a yummy pizza place! 

Boys.

We had a really great trip. it was short but we made a lot of great memories. Like every morning walking to the Sugar Shack and eating a huge doughnut. Then walking back. Just being with family. Taking walks on the beach and watching my kids play in the sand. Emma would bring every shell that she found to Papa and he would have to put it in the bucket. :) Neal and I got to walk on the beach and just enjoy being there. I am so grateful for my family. They are amazing and i am blessed that they are mine.