{life is hard}

i was doing my dishes this morning that i did not do last night. and that made me grumpy waking up and very impatient. i should have done them the night before but i did not. so there. anyways i was grouchy and doing my dishes and emma came up to me and said "mommy" and wanted me to hold her. how could i not? i have learned that somethings are important and some things are more important. the hard part is sorting out what is more important. i have been working on this for a long time. i am having a really hard time putting my thoughts into words that can be understood. life is hard. that is something that is not going to change. i have different challenges and trials then another person, but life is still hard, and it is work too. i have a confession..... i am can be lazy. Yep! i have a lazy streak and love to just sit around and do nothing. but i know i can not do this all the time and life is work. i wish it were easy for me to read my scriptures regularly, but it is work for me. is wish it was easy for me to keep my house clean... but it is work. i wish it were easy to do what i know i need to do.... but that is work. i do not know why i expect life to be easy. we do not get blessings for doing easy things, we get blessings for doing hard things. it might be easy for some people to do these things but we each have our own trials and challenges, like i said. this is something i am learning more and more everyday. we are each so different. we are different people, different mothers, different wives. we are all striving for the same thing, teaching our family the right way to live. we all go about this different ways, and we all make different decisions. i know that to be truly Christ like we need to accept others decisions. we might have made other decisions but that does not make any mother worse or better then the other. we can accept others and love them for who they are no matter what.

i know this is so jumbled and a mess.... i write because this is how i can get my feels out. i love being mother and i know this is the best thing i can be doing in my life right now and forever. i am not always the best mom. i am impatient, lazy, messy, disorganized, crazy, silly, weird. mainly i am suzie. i may not be the mother that my children deserve but i am the mother that they need. i was thinking this the other day.... they came to me because they need me, not just any one but ME. and i know without a doubt that i need them too. they show me so much how much my heavenly father loves me and loves all of us no matter what the choices i make. i am grateful to be a mom.... 

it is hard. but it is not supposed to be easy! and i am grateful it is hard!