some days i just feel like this.....
there are times when i feel like a failure
like i can't be happy because i am not the perfect picture i was hoping for.
i am 40 pounds overweight
i am living in an apartment with no air conditioning or dishwasher
i am living in a town with no target
i am not as talented i wish i was
i am not as strong as i would like to be
my kids are going through a 'lets not listen to mom' stage
i never finish my to do list
i am not as spiritual as i should be
a with all these things i think...
when i lose my weight i will be happy
when we get a house i will be happy
when we move from moscow i will be happy
when i am more talented i will be happy
when i am strong and athletic i will be happy
when my kids listen to me i will be happy
when i finish my to do list i will be happy
when i am more spiritual i will be happy
but if i feel this way i will miss out on being happy now
that is what i want..... to be happy now
to be happy with my body the way it is
have given birth to 3 wonderful, beautiful children and that is pretty darn amazing
to be happy with the apartment i am in
it is small and old but we are warm and my kids love it here
to be happy living in moscow
we have grown closer as a family being here and i am glad we got to have this experience
to be happy with the talent i do have
i may not be a world famous writer or photographer but i do have talent and if nothing else i inspire myself
to be happy with the strength that i have now
i may not be able to run marathons but i am improving everyday and i am thankful i am healthy
to be happy with my children the way they are
they may not listen to me but i still get all the hugs and kisses and loves that i could ask for
to be happy with what i do get done
my house may be a mess but my kids are fed, clothed, well rested and happy and that is all that matters right?
to be happy that i am getting more spiritual
i have a testimony and i know i can be a better person
i don't want to miss out on being happy because i am not the way i think i should be
being happy is a choice and i chose to love me and be happy with me just the way i am right now
that doesn't me i will try to improve or wish for better things it just means that i will try to live in the moment and be happy with the present!
Sis, I just want you to know how much your father and I love you. I definitely know how it feels to want things to change, but then when they do you miss what you had. I wish that I still had my little happy Suzie back and that I could be with you all the time. Your my beautiful perfect daughter and i thank my Heavenly Father always for you and the happiness and joy you have brought in my life. There is NOTHING that I would change about you. I just wanted you to know that I think that you are the most talented and beautiful, spiritual, Loving, kind and funny woman that i had the priviledge to raise and now be best friends with. Thankyou for seeing past all my faults and loving me anyway. I can never thank you enough sweetie! Be happy! Be clean! Love everyone! and constant improvement!!! Love, mama
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