okay truth time.
i am trying to get my thoughts together.
i need to make a few confessions....
1. my house is never clean.
yep it is true. i clean and i clean and yet it is never clean. i organized and put things away and they always get unorganized minutes later. my dishes are rarely done, i sometimes go 3 to 5 days without cleaning my kitchen. i know gross right?? i finally do the dishes because i get tired of not having a single clean dish.
now my messy house might be some of my fault but i blame it on the kids. i mean i have 3 kids. the only way i could ever keep my house perfectly clean is if i never spend time with my kids or ever took care of them. so this year i am giving myself the okay to let my house get messy..... okay maybe not too messy, i don't want things growing that aren't my kids. i realize that i am never going to have a perfectly clean house and that is okay, somethings are more important.
2. spending time with my kids means they are watching a movie and i am reading a book.
bad mom moment... my kids watch way more then 2 hours of tv a day. it is really the only way i can get anything done and there is not much to do now that the weather is freezing. i seriously don't know how mothers did anything before there was tv. i would be more insane then i am now and in a couple years i would have to be put in a mental home somewhere. no joke. i think my kids are pretty smart for being exposed to the tv for hours a day and i think they will grow up just fine.
3. my favorite time of day is nap time and bedtime.
i cry when i have to wake up in the morning..... literally cry. i am so exhausted. in the morning i count the hours until nap time..... and in the afternoon i count the hours until bedtime. and bedtime does not come soon enough. around here in Moscow, id it is dark around 4:30 so by 5pm i think it is time for bed and it feels like it. but i have hours before i can put them to bed, and some night they go to bed by 6 pm. they don't fall asleep for another hour or 2 but at least i can't see them. morning comes around 6:00 am around here no matter how late their bed time is.
4. my name can get really annoying.
hearing the word "mom" when my kids were babies was so cute and i loved it...... now all i hear is
"mommy?"
"mom"
"momma"
"mom"
"MOM"
and it gets annoying. they always want something, which is normal i guess but now i know how my mom felt when she told me to stop saying mom for an hour sometimes!
5. i hate working out.
oh goodness do i hate working out. they only time i enjoy it is when i have had it with my kids and i have to get out of the house or i might do something i don't want to and run away from my house. i like running because i can run away from my kids for 20 minutes or so and by that time i am tired of running to i come right back. i just can not make myself work out, and really have have no time. sometimes it comes down to working out or reading a book and i will always chose the book. who said being 20 pounds over weight was ugly?? i will lose it someday..... maybe not this month or in the next six months but i will lose it. i am not one of those blessed woman that don't gain weight when they are pregnant and look just like they did before after they had their baby. nope i am the one who gains 60+ pounds every time. i am the one of those pregnant women who are so exhausted that they really can't do anything.... the only thing i can do right now is eat healthy and that can be hard..... i like my chocolate.
so this month is confession month. i will be writing more bad mom confessions of the next few weeks. i would love to hear yours. Some people might not understand why i write these things and sometimes i don't either, all i know is that i feel like i need to. i feel all these things piling up on my and for me the only way to release my feelings is to write them down. i love all the comments that i receive. all of the comments have helped me so much and made me feel better about myself. i hope if you feel the same way i do you know that there are others out there who do to!
1. Sometimes working in the nursery at church looks really good compared to what I do now. Of course, when I'm back in nursery I'll wish I was somewhere else, too.
ReplyDelete2. I look forward to not having kids in school and having an empty nest. I love my kids and I love my teenagers, but I don't like worrying about school so much. Now that I have two adult children and two teens...I really like adult children.
3. I look back at the early days and wish I'd done things differently. Sometimes. In my heart I know I did the best I could at that time of my life, and so far, my kids are surviving my shortcomings.
4. I have to remind myself that I can't be everything for everybody all the time. I can only help when they will let me help, and sometimes it's good to let them struggle a bit.
Btw, writing about things is really really good.
ReplyDeleteSo here's one for you:
ReplyDeleteSo Collin lost all but one pair of his jeans. We couldn't figure out where they were, we even went through my brother's drawers at my mom's house because we were convinced he must have left them there. So an old friend from high school came over and happened to see my bedroom and made some really rude comments about it and hurt my feelings ('I don't know how anyone can live like that!' 'Do you want me to clean it for you?') It needs to be noted that she is not married and does not have kids, so I suppose she doesn't understand. Anyways, I made Collin help me clean it and guess what? We found all his pants! ha ha. Who knew they were buried in there all along. I'm like you, I clean all the time. But I start with my kitchen and living room, then clean the kids room and the bathroom, and then my bedroom, except I never actually get to my bedroom. And Collin and I are messy, we throw our clothes on the floor, always have, probably always will. And it's fine, as long as judgmental friends don't happen to see it and we keep better track of his pants. Collin and I were actually talking just the other night about how it's a good thing that we're both relaxed about how our house looks because otherwise it would cause us a lot of stress having to messy children running around, and we already have enough stress in our lives.
1 - My dishes may be done (because Michael does them) but please don't look in my laundry room. I have to lean on the door to get it to open because of all the clothes in there.
ReplyDelete2 - I'm so tired of hearing mama that I make the older kids call me Great Grand Master. True story. They start whining, mama, and I tell them to call me Great Grand Master. Sometimes I just need to be called something different.
3 - I haven't gone jogging since October so my expensive new sports bra that I got for my birthday has never even been used.
4 - My older kids are 6 and 8 and I still make them "rest" just so I don't have to deal with my kids for an hour every day.
5 - I'm homeschooling and I'm not sure I'm doing a good job. I don't think Libby is ever going to read.
Sigh. I keep thinking things will get easier but I think the problems just change.
Here's a whopper....just tonight I've completely had it with a fussy baby-
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm the one ALWAYS dealing with him at night, early in the morning and all day he's a chunky little dude, so it's not only emotionaly exhausting but physically exhausting...
SO
I gave him benadryl so he'd just zonk so I can get some sleep for a few hours until it wears off and he realizes his teeth hurt or that we're in a strange place (we're still in Burley) ...... AT LEAST I give him the correct dosage for his age and weight, i'm not out to kill him...although there are days where I remember how easy life was without children, and wish I could go back!!!
Oh yes, and as I type this my two year old is crying in the next room, saying that it's really scary and that she wants me to snuggle her (a rare thing).....and yet, I just don't have it in me....maybe in a few minutes (hopefully by then she'll be asleep)
AND all the while my dear husband who I love has ditched as yet again for "BOY time"...I'm SOOOOOOOO sick of feeling left out and left behind in the dust because I'm mom, and seem to get the sucky short end of the responsibility stick 90% of the time....yup i'll be fuming about this one for a while!!!
Thanks for sharing your VERY normal and common thoughts and home happenings! I feel less alone in the hood....the motherhood that is!
your daughter will appreciate this when she is a mommy.
ReplyDeleteSister i am so in the same boat and I thank you, like others have thanked me, for being real. We know what we are doing is the most important thing we could be, but that doesn't mean it's tough and totally sucks having to be so self-less sometimes.
You should read the RS book Daughters in my Kingdom. Whenever I am loosing my perspective it brings me back to reality, esp. chapters #9 & 10.
Love you lady, hang in there, I am (barely somedays).
Suzie...
ReplyDeletemy momfession: My 4 year old has made me hate the words "I love you" He says them all the time, gives me hugs all the time and it DRIVES ME NUTS!! He does it when he knows he's about to get in trouble, when he sees me frown, when he knows I'm about to yell, when he's bored, when I'm the busiest. He does it when he hits his little brother, when he knows he's gonna get in trouble for something. I think I hate it because like the word "Mom" they are said too much and it means NOTHING to me now!! It's just a scheme to get out of trouble!! I think he must have learned it from his daddy!!
This message was shared with me today on Facebook... I loved it, and Suzie, it made me think of you!! Enjoy another moms confessions:
http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/
bytheway, I love your music on here. I think I'm gonna have to add to my playlist!
ReplyDelete